Four Things Porn Makes You Believe

4 fire

I actually have to tell men (and occasionally women) that seeing others, besides their spouses, in erotic scenarios isn’t good for them. That they shouldn’t sit around and watch others have sex. It seems obvious to me how bad this would be for you, and the statistical evidence against it is significant, but I still actually have to tell men, smart men: “This is bad for your marriage!” “This subconsciously changes how you view women.” “What momma doesn’t know does hurt her! So stop dad!”

Pornography has gone viral. Literally. It’s what’s for dinner. And there’s no stopping it. When anything gains the four “A’s” it’s only just a matter of time until it expands beyond control: (1) It’s readily Available; (2) It’s very Affordable; (3) It’s totally Anonymous; (4) Yet it’s increasingly Acceptable. And so the monster grows.

Can this just be a really honest blog? Like, just gut-wrenchingly clear? Because I don’t want the grave seriousness of this message to be distorted by anything. In fact, let me cut right to the chase and say what I need to say: You cannot love your wife (present or future), like Jesus loved the church, if you look at porn. Nor can you love your female neighbors, like Jesus loved you, if you look at porn.

Porn is self-love, but the cross is self-sacrifice. So cross-shaped people pass on porn.

You see, every time you sit down and entertain yourself with erotic fantasy, you burn into your heart and head four vile lessons that you might rather forget after it’s all said and done:

1. WOMEN ARE OBJECTS

Pornography, or any type of fantasy sex for that matter, removes the personhood from the person. It treats IT as an object (notice I said it, because that is exactly what they are to you). IT becomes something which I use as a vehicle to deliver pleasure to me.

Never mind that the Father calls IT daughter. Never mind the Creator calls IT good. IT makes me happy.

Perhaps this systematic objectification and dehumanization is what makes it easier to call IT a “hoe,” “skank,” “whore,” “booty-call,” “dime,” or worse? Perhaps people don’t know that every second and penny spent on porn drives the demand for sex trafficking up? Put down the mouse and step away from the computer. Please.

2. REAL SEX DOESN’T CUT IT.
3. MY WIFE DOESN’T CUT IT.

Not only does the use of porn create unrealistic expectations for your spouse psychologically, it also creates unreachable standards for her physiologically.

We now know, thanks to science, that neural pathways are involved in the process of attraction. People literally experience “chemistry” when they become attracted to others. When you’re attracted to someone you experience a rise in dopamine and norepinephrine as well as a drop in serotonin. And that’s why you feel the way you do.

You remember when you two first started dating? And y’all were convinced no one, in the history of love, ever loved like you? (Cue Twilight Theme Song) And you held hands everywhere? And you had weird pet names? And you wrote her poetry, even though you never actually read a poem before? And you bought a puppy? And you posted awkward stuff on one another’s Facebook pages? Guess what…You were just high. Seriously. You’ll thank God later for giving you this excuse.

Part of what caused this euphoric stage of insanity was your change in brain chemistry. That’s why, oh about eighteen months later, you were both puzzled as to where love went. NEWS FLASH, love didn’t go anywhere, you just never knew what normal felt like.

The problem with pornography is that it short-circuits the chemistry of attraction. Think of drug-use (which you would know nothing about… but you have a friend). With any drug, the longer you use, the more you need, to get less of the high. In the same way, the longer you use fantasy for stimulation, the more dopamine and norepinephrine you need, to feel less of the high. Basically, you build up a tolerance overtime. Just like an alcoholic builds tolerance to beer or an addict builds tolerance to smack overtime, a pornoholic builds tolerance to norepinephrine and dopamine.

The result is that people eventually lose the ability to receive any gratification from “real” sexual experiences with their “normal” spouse. Because normal isn’t always perfect. Real isn’t always what you dream up. And only the fantasy can deliver the charge of pleasure that will do the trick.

Fantasy is impossible to compete with because everything happens exactly as you want. Really, fantasy is perfect. And neither real sex or normal women will ever be perfect. So sadly, porn numbs reality and replaces it with a cheap imitation.

4. MY BODY COMES FIRST.

If you’re unapologetically engaged in pornography, this is what you believe, “My body comes first.” Whether you would actually say it or not.

So do your significant other a favor and just tell her the truth. Give her a chance to opt out now before you do later. Grab her by the hand, have her take a seat, tell her to brace herself, and then spill. Say, “Sweetheart, before we go much further in our relationship, you should probably know: First, I believe women are objects. Second, real sex will never cut it for me. And third, you’ll never cut it. Because my body comes first. FYI.”

Sounds harsh. I know. But at least it’s honest. And perhaps she’ll slap some sense into you… literally. Perhaps the pain you see on her face will compel you toward the cross. Because cross-shaped people don’t use others, they serve others. Cross-shaped people don’t serve self, they sacrifice self.

One of the primary tools God uses to change you is your attention. Here’s to hoping this short blog got yours.

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27 thoughts on “Four Things Porn Makes You Believe

  1. I’ve been against porn my whole adult-hood. And you what what I’ve been told by EVERYONE? “You will never find a man who doesn’t want porn.” “Porn isn’t cheating. It’s innocent.” “Porn is normal”

    First time I’ve heard many things on your page was from Andy Stanley. Wonderful man. I love his videos. And…. I’m an atheist. *hides*

    Anywhoo. I’ve had guys lie to me about porn. But I’m still on the mission. I know I will not be happy if porn is in his life. And I let them know that. If porn is for you, I am not. I don’t want it to be a secret. Juts find someone else. Si please as that.

    • Thanks Joy. Andy Stanley is one of my biggest influencers. Glad you dig his stuff. I do too! And I agree with what you say. The negatives of porn don’t discriminate. No matter what your religious persuasion.

  2. Pingback: Just To Be Clear, Women Aren’t Objects | CROSS-SHAPED STUFF

  3. Pingback: Our Cross Shaped Year in Review: The Top 10 of 2013 | CROSS-SHAPED STUFF

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